The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert epub / Ebook Author John M. Gottman

REVIEW The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many y John Gottman s Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work provides in detail the ways in which a person could have a healthy marriage and by extension the principles also generally apply to romantic relationships in general and perhaps even just friendships I ll put this principles in my own words to make them perspicuous you can read the book if you want his wordsThe first principle is to increase your knowledge about each other You ought to be able to know for example who your significant other doesn t like at work You should also know his or her life philosophy And what her deepest dreams are EtcThe second principle is about nurturing your fondness and admiration for each other This involves first looking at your partner worthy of dignity and respect Too often in a relationship you can get hung up on how you don t like your partner s habits or you don t like some of these fundamental differences in attitude he or she has from you By focusing again on your partner s positive characteristics reminding yourself why you like or love this person in the first place will help you re center your relationshipThe third principle is turning to your partner to communicate about the mundane stuff of life If you haven t begun to or forgotten how to enjoy talking to your partner about your everyday activities or his or her everyday activities it would be good to re light that fire to just be able to talk about work problems what you have been thinking about lately what you saw that day etc Gottman writes that everyday you cherish this time and you act encouraging toward your partner at this time it is like putting money in the emotional bank which really helps when time gets toughThe fourth principle is letting your partner influence you Since a relationship is give and take and since it would be a mathematical impossibility for you to be right all the time be willing to let your partner s decision influence what you think or your actions or whatever Allowing for this give and take and not being obstinate goes a long wayThe fifth principle is solving your solvable problems Some of the problems say maybe 30% of the problems you have are solvable problems This is because they are mainly situational problems If you begin to make changes in your schedule with respect to each other or in little ways of doing things you will be able to deal with each other a lot easilyThe sixth principle is overcoming gridlock Probably about 70% of the problems that a couple has together is a matter of deep fundamental differences you two have It is okay to have differences For example perhaps you are someone who is always interested in saving money and your partner is someone who is always interested in having a good time which occasionally means that spending money won t be an important issue for him or her You won t be able to change each other about these deep fundamental issues so it calls for a compromise this is overcoming gridlock You can begin to make compromises regarding this say by making a budget together and then allowing each other to freely spend within that budget Perhaps this isn t the best example but it s the best I could do for the moment The important thing is is that you work to compromise and get through these differencesThe seventh principle is creating shared meaning This might not seem very specific but what Gottman means is that you create a culture in which the two of you live and if you have children within the three four five nth number of you live You create rituals for yourself you celebrate special holidays you honor certain rites of passage you create duties and obligations and practices for yourself within your family unit This is the real deep stuff that one might call spiritualGottman provides a lot of activities and exercises throughout the way little games that you can play with your partner or with other couples to improve and increase the strength of your relationship This is a wonderful wonderful book

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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

Ears Here is the culmination of his life's work the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long lasting relationship Packed with practica An excellent book that I think married and single people who would like to one day marry should read John Gottman and Nan Silver studied marriages for over twenty years following the same couples They observed how the couples talked to each otherthe every day chit chat the serious conversations and even the fights What they curiously observed is that fighting is not what breaks marriages up In fact fighting can be good for marriages in some waysWhat they did find is that in the couples who remained married and reported being happily married there were elements of behavior present that aided in getting through disagreements and fights In the marriages that ended or were unhappy there were elements that were also present that contributed to the breakdown of the relationshipI learned a lot from reading this book I studied law before I began practicing it so why not study marriage before embarking on a lifetime with someone The best part of the book is that if you and your partner are BOTH willing to do so you can learn to incorporate the seven principles into your life together so that you can love each other even when you are in disagreement or a difficult timeIt s in workbook style so it takes some work if you read it as a couple but if you re open minded and you make yourself vulnerable to your mate it s worth the process

John M. Gottman · 8 FREE READ

L uestionnaires and exercises The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potentia I probably should rank this book higher I think the principles are sound and obviously well researched I imagine that everything he says in here is true It s just not the kind of marriage book that inspires me It is too much of do this and don t do this rather than providing inspiration and perspective on marriage For example one chapter talks about chores that he doesshe does and contains a list of chores that you can go through with your spouse to determine what is fair Stuff like that really ends up making me far stressed about the issue than I was before Some of the exercises look like fun andor helpful and I do think this book could really be good if a couple sat down and did it together I like the part where he talks about how happily married couples don t necessarily have to solve every problem and that clear communication ie using I statements is not necessarily the key to marital bliss There were some good parts it just really wasn t my cup o tea


10 thoughts on “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

  1. says:

    John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work provides in detail the ways in which a person could have a healthy marriage and by extension the principles also generally apply to romantic relationships in general a

  2. says:

    If you can get past Gottman's ego in the first few chapters you'll find some very sensible and useful advice from his extensive study of couples Some of it seems obvious some not but all the content worthwhile to

  3. says:

    I wanted to dislike this book The title looks like a bald faced rip off of Stephen Covey and the author seems to think he's the only person who has ever had a profound thought about marriage Gottman proclaims that his ideas are different but there are many similarities between his prescriptions and those of the therapists he disd

  4. says:

    An excellent book that I think married and single people who would like to one day marry should read John Gottman

  5. says:

    I'm confused by John Gottman His work is mentioned respectfully by sociologists and other therapists like that he went into his Love Lab and figured out what makes relationships fall apart it's kind of revolutionary And then the big insight is that if people get really worked up about mundane disagreements to the point that they're making shitty personal attacks on their partner or shutting down and not engaging in the discussi

  6. says:

    Back in April of this year Dr Liz Hale a licensed clinical psychologist started her remarks to a local audience of than 100 mental health professionals by saying “Dear fellow colleagues you are in danger of having an affair”Her po

  7. says:

    My favorite uote in the whole book “Working briefly on your marriage every day will do for your health and longevity than working out at a health club” p 261Overall one of the better books I've seen on fostering a happy marriage A very useful read for any couple seeking to improve their conflict resolution skills or ju

  8. says:

    I probably should rank this book higher I think the principles are sound and obviously well researched I imagine that everything he says in here is true It's just not the kind of marriage book that inspires me It is too much of do this and don't do this rather than providing inspiration and perspective on marriage For example one chapter talks about chores that he doesshe does and contains a list of chores that you can go through with your

  9. says:

    Why is it considered normal to consult a manual and put work into maintaining a car but not a relationshipThis book can be pretty cheesey a lot of the time but it contains lots of exercises is easy to read and is based on principles and evidence that is highly regarded in the field which surprised meFrom his experimenta

  10. says:

    Although part of me thinks I shouldn't read so many books about marriage before I'm married it can be depressing to sift through all the potential problems that are being addressed in these self help books I'm also drawn to them becau